THE BEST OF BABYLONIAN TIMES 1996 - 2006
DON'T CALL US!
'Consumer finance company GE Capital is outsourcing call centre work to countries where workers will earn as little as £115 a month. Under the new plan, around 2.5 million customers making an enquiry on their Debenhams, Top Shop, Dorothy Perkins or Burton storecard could be speaking to an operator based in India' (Fusion Magazine, Dec 2000 – house mag of finance union UNIFI).
So, while the government continues to demonise 'economic migrants', companies employ them anyway, but only if they stay at home where the British minimum wage doesn't apply. It gets worse. In February the Daily Mail reported that Indian call centre staff had been asked to 'change their names so customers can pronounce them easier.' Actually, why bother with a name – surely a number would suffice? By the way, if you're having difficulty with the name of the director of GE Capital here's some advice – it's two syllables, prounounced 'wan-kuh'.
Issue 2, March/April 2001
VANILLA AND GERM FLAVOUR, PLEASE
'Ice cream will taste smoother with the addition of a natural antifreeze discovered by Unilever. The company's researchers found the antifreeze in bacterium Marinomonas protea, which lives in Antartic lakes. They shredded and centrifugued the remains to obtain a protein dubbed marinomonin. Unilever is now looking to mass produce the protein.' New Scientist.
Mmm yummy! Just like mummy used to make. Or do I mean Lord Haskins. Anyway – what's a few Antartic lakes when there's fat western coach potato bellies to fill. Issue 5, September/October 2001 CHOCS AWAY According to scientists the world's chocolate supplies are under serious threat. Scientists from the US Department of Agriculture have announced a mission to save chocolate for the world. Coincidentally these are the same scientists who work for the Alternate Crops and Systems Laboratory. Yes you've guessed it – they're touting GM chocolate. Apparently intensive farming has made the crop more vulnerable. Hidebound primitivists might claim this as a cause for a return to traditional methods, but those bright boys and girls at the US Department of Agriculture have seen the light and know that the answer to problems caused by technology is, of course, more technology. What could possibly go wrong? Issue 3, May/June 2001 CYBER STALIN Bill Gates hit out in a recent interview at those who use the internet to get free films, songs and games as 'modern-day sort of communists who want to get rid of the incentive for musicians and moviemakers and software makers.' Corporate Watch reporters were unable to find any downloaders to reply to this accusation, as they were all to busy burning bootlegged Red Army marching songs. 'Communism' is often used by US businessmen as a handy label for anything they think limits their ability to make profits. Microsoft itself hardly promotes a 'free' market in software, and, stale Cold War rhetoric aside, Bill might do worse than to take a look at the original Communist Manifesto, in which Marx and Engels noted that 'What the bourgeoisie, therefore, produces above all, is its own gravedigger.' Is Gates' real worry that his own computer revolution has likewise created an international class that no longer needs him? Issue 22, February/March 2005
Mmm yummy! Just like mummy used to make. Or do I mean Lord Haskins. Anyway – what's a few Antartic lakes when there's fat western coach potato bellies to fill. Issue 5, September/October 2001 CHOCS AWAY According to scientists the world's chocolate supplies are under serious threat. Scientists from the US Department of Agriculture have announced a mission to save chocolate for the world. Coincidentally these are the same scientists who work for the Alternate Crops and Systems Laboratory. Yes you've guessed it – they're touting GM chocolate. Apparently intensive farming has made the crop more vulnerable. Hidebound primitivists might claim this as a cause for a return to traditional methods, but those bright boys and girls at the US Department of Agriculture have seen the light and know that the answer to problems caused by technology is, of course, more technology. What could possibly go wrong? Issue 3, May/June 2001 CYBER STALIN Bill Gates hit out in a recent interview at those who use the internet to get free films, songs and games as 'modern-day sort of communists who want to get rid of the incentive for musicians and moviemakers and software makers.' Corporate Watch reporters were unable to find any downloaders to reply to this accusation, as they were all to busy burning bootlegged Red Army marching songs. 'Communism' is often used by US businessmen as a handy label for anything they think limits their ability to make profits. Microsoft itself hardly promotes a 'free' market in software, and, stale Cold War rhetoric aside, Bill might do worse than to take a look at the original Communist Manifesto, in which Marx and Engels noted that 'What the bourgeoisie, therefore, produces above all, is its own gravedigger.' Is Gates' real worry that his own computer revolution has likewise created an international class that no longer needs him? Issue 22, February/March 2005
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