Rum Deal?
Bacardi have launched a nationwide promotional Bacardi Breezer campaign at football stadia across the country through The ADI Group's Media Division. Bacardi Breezer have opted to sponsor goals and near misses at a number of grounds. Whenever these events occur in a match, the in-stadia LED screen will show a short clip of the advertisement followed by an animated 'goal' or 'miss'. ADI Press release.

And presumably the screen will also flash up a Breezer ad whenever the bladdered fans start taking lumps out of each other?

Vanilla and germ flavour, please
‘Ice cream will taste smoother with the addition of a natural antifreeze discovered by Unilever. The company’s researchers found the anitfreeze in bacterium Marinomonas protea, which lives in Antartic lakes. They shredded and centrifuged the remains to obtain a protein dubbed marinomonin. Unilever is now looking at ways to mass produce the protein.’ New Scientist

Mmm yummy! Just like mummy used to make. Or do I mean Lord Haskins. Anyway - what's a few Antartic lakes when there's fat western couch potato bellies to fill.

School’s out for profit
As the government announces more private money in schools, British education is set to become very Logo Friendly. ‘Nike's Zoneparcs scheme is backed by the Department of Education and involves redesigning plagrounds and introducing new sports equipment. “This is not about selling our products to kids in school” says Yvonne Iwaniuk, Nike's communications head. “It is about using the positive aspect of our brand - the fact that it is very aspirational for kids - to encourage better behaviour.” Steve Hilton of Good Business agency adds “Nike knows far more about kids than educationalists or government.”’ Financial Times.

Scary - and I bet most teachers wouldn’t agree with the last bit.

“Putting you on hold...”
‘Time spent waiting for a response on the phone gives companies a chance to dig out information held on client records. Using so-called customer relationship management (CRM) technology, firms can decide whether to pass callers on to a gold-star personalised service, to automated menus, or to put them on hold till they go away. “At last companies are beginning to segment their customers...to reveal which customer groups should be targeted and which deserve first class attention,” a statement from Dimension Data subsidiary Merchants said. “The underlining point is firms cannot afford to serve all customers in the same way because they are simply not worth the same amount” said a spokesman.’ BBC News Online.

Apparently the survival-of-the-wealthiest system was inspired by New Labour's manifesto.

Corporate Stress-Fix™
Is your work dull and unrewarding, yet also stressful? Do you dream of a meaningful life? Never mind down-shifting, never mind unions - you need a Corporate Stress-Fix™ - and UK companies are rushing to deliver...

Consignia discover mind control
‘The Royal Mail is hoping to restore its reputation by calling in a team of consultants who specialise in bringing “spirituality to the workplace”. The UK arm of US management consultancy Corptools will begin work shortly. Corptools ... brand of 'corporate culture transformation' involves asking staff what kind of “love-based values” they would like to see in their workplace, and what kind of “fear-based values” they could do without.’ Financial Times.

Easy. Love based value: keep Royal Mail nationalised. Fear based value to be binned: all capitalist brainwashing schemes.

Virtual Counselling
‘Stressed call-centre workers could soon find solace in a computer designed to act as a “guardian angel”. Called Angelo, the computer measures heartbeat and sweat levels. The machine detects stress among staff and then it tries to help them get over it.’ Financial Times.

And of course, if staff fail to get over their stress, the computer automatically sacks them.

Serco with a smile
‘We still think that having fun is perhaps one of the most important Serco values. Letting our hair down with work colleagues, family and friends has played a substantial part in creating the “Serco magic”. At Serco we don't like any opportunity for a party to pass us by. ’ Serco Website.

Fun loving Serco's services include Australian Navy training (no refugees need apply), UK asylum detention centres, and, coming soon, the British education system. So presumably the biggest ever Serco piss-up was when New Labour got re-elected.