Issue 4 - Feature
The Ballard of Johnny and Davey

Another entirely fictional tale from the Corporate Watch Children’s Department.

Johnny was in his club one lunch time, wondering where all the lady member were. Suddenly he realised that there were no lady members because ladys weren’t allowed to become members.

Just then, Johnny's friend Davey came in. Davey looked different today. Instead of his nice little patent green badge he was wearing a red rosette. Johnny thought this was very
strange. He also thought that Davey was behaving a little strange - it was only Friday lunchtime and Davey was wandering around the room in a very unsteady way.

"Ha hah" shouted Davey. "l'm as drunk as a lord! But that's all right though - I am a lord!"

"But what happened?" asked Johnny, who was starting to worry about his friend. "Are you still feeling funny since ' yesterday's May Day party? I know you were awake well past your bedtime..."

"I've done it! " exclaimed Davey, so happily that he nearly fell off his chair. "I've got in!"

Johnny couldn't quite understand what Davey was talking about. "But i thought they black-balled you years ago? Some-thing about nasty men in black shooting people in Colom-bia..."he asked, dimly remembering that Colombia was even further away than Newbury.

"Not there, you silly billy,"said Davey. "Westminster!"

This really confused Johnny, who thought that Davey had been through prep school years ago and had gone to Christ's after that. He asked Davey to explain. "It's really very simple," explained Davey. "I’ve thought of a great new way to use my Amazing Corporate Machine. You drive it up the Thames, park outside Westminster and jump in!"

"But won't that mean you lose your Amazing Corporate Machine?" This upset Johnny, who could think of nothing worse.

"That's just it," said Davey. "Once you're inside, you can look after your Amazing Corporate Machine even better than if you were still driving it. You can help it grow by giving it all sorts of useful things like..." - Davey reached into his pencil-case and pulled out a note from someone whose initials looked like P.M. or B.M. - "...a flexible regulatory framework, a sympathetic taxation regime and the chance to be competitive in Europe!"

"Gosh," said Johnny again, much impressed. "Can you help me do the same with my Amazing Corporate Machine?"

"Certainly," said Davey, winking strangely at Johnny. "We'll have to go to the bank and then the Millbank, though..."