Nelson David dusts off the Bond legend

Why is it that stories of genetic modification have become the domain of the environmental correspondents, yet the scariest thing is surely the economics? This reeks of what Noam Chomsky called "Necessary Illusions" – the strict diet of information fed by the 'free press'. While the Daily Mail find its inspiration for GM bogey stories in Dr Frankenstein, it seems obvious to me that the fictional character they should be turning to is James Bond.

Think about it. Since the Cold War thaw, Bond producers have been struggling to find credible villains to tax their hero's skills. They tried a media baron but it didn't really work. Then in the last one they went back to that old stand-by, the funny foreigner with vague Middle East/Commie connections. Please.

The struggle however is over. I think I may have created the ultimate Bond villain. Working title - 'The Man with the Golden Gene'. A group of faceless corporate executives, headed up by a shady Mr Big, hatch an evil plan to take over farming throughout the world. On the big map in their HQ (there has to be a big map obviously) we discover that they are well on the way to World Domination. They've got American and Canadian prairies. They've got the cotton fields of India. They've got the salmon farms and potato crops of Britain. Slowly but surely this small ruthless band are taking control of the whole world's supply of clothing and food. In other words...they are just minutes away from Ultimate Power. Unless of course Bond can get into their bunker and blow the shit out of them.

Q has sadly gone and Bond now has a new gadget boffin. In my script, instead of giving 007 a mobile phone that turns into a speedboat, he'll be handing him the complete works of Chomsky instead.